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RyanK's Joke of the week Thread

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Postby bigken117 » Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:50 pm

What do poker and sex have in common?


You think you're the best, but you have no idea what you're doing.
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Postby Pedantic » Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:59 pm

Coppermine wrote:A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator together. On one of the floors on the way down, a young businessman get on the elevator. He's well dressed in a three piece suit and handsome, but his only problem is that he seems to have a dandruff problem, as there are white flakes all over his jacket. Nonetheless, the two women enjoy his presence.

The man gets off after just a few floors leaving the two women to themselves again in the elevator. The brunette says to the blonde, "Someone needs to give that guy Head & Shoulders," to which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"


Haha! Teh bset!
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Postby LooseCannon » Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:01 pm

Coppermine wrote:A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator together. On one of the floors on the way down, a young businessman get on the elevator. He's well dressed in a three piece suit and handsome, but his only problem is that he seems to have a dandruff problem, as there are white flakes all over his jacket. Nonetheless, the two women enjoy his presence.

The man gets off after just a few floors leaving the two women to themselves again in the elevator. The brunette says to the blonde, "Someone needs to give that guy Head & Shoulders," to which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"


;-D ;-D ;-D LMAO :-D :-D
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Postby Madison » Fri Jan 20, 2006 7:48 pm

Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.


Now that's hilarious! :-b ;-D
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Postby RyanK » Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:56 pm

not the greatest but a laugh..

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette.

"No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?"

"What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"
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Postby Madison » Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:51 pm

Still funny stuff Ryan. :-D Thanks for the laugh! ;-D
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Postby RyanK » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:09 pm

1-
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2-
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!
Last edited by RyanK on Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Coppermine » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:36 pm

RyanK wrote:1-
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2-
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!


That's pretty funny, but what's a £?
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Postby RyanK » Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:14 pm

Coppermine wrote:
RyanK wrote:1-
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2-
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!


That's pretty funny, but what's a £?


symbol for pound... or euro.. ill just make it a $
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Postby LooseCannon » Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:22 pm

Coppermine wrote:
RyanK wrote:1-
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2-
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!


That's pretty funny, but what's a £?



Great Jokes :-D The second one has so many variations, but never heard the first one. Keep 'em coming. ;-D ;-D
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