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No Sex Joke

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No Sex Joke

Postby Pogotheostrich » Thu Apr 14, 2005 11:57 am

NO SEX TONIGHT


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought
I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
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Postby ensanimal » Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:00 pm

HAHAHAAHAHA!!! :-D

one of the best i've read here ;-D ;-D
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Postby slomo007 » Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:01 pm

LMAO! That is truly fantastic. ;-D
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Postby Mercer Boy » Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:02 pm

Bahahahaha! That was really good! :-b ;-D

If you tried that in real life, you'd probably get a slap to the face, a week on the couch, and no action for a month - plus you'd still have to buy the stuff. :-t
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Postby Pacman » Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:32 pm

That is exceptional. ;-D
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Postby Cornbread Maxwell » Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:54 pm

I love it - great story! ;-D
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Postby raiders_umpire » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:12 pm

awesome story, but i doubt i try that on my wife though :-D
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Postby logan » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:23 pm

thats fantastic ;-D
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Postby Iguana » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:45 pm

SO Funny! Thanks for sharing that.
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Postby JTWood » Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:05 pm

That is market-specific comedy right there.

Great stuff!

:-D ;-D
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