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Funny answers on Hollywood Squares.

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Funny answers on Hollywood Squares.

Postby Madison » Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:24 am

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if
he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the CampFire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
in
bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh


:-b
Yes doctor, I am sick.
Sick of those who are spineless.
Sick of those who feel self-entitled.
Sick of those who are hypocrites.
Yes doctor, an army is forming.
Yes doctor, there will be a war.
Yes doctor, there will be blood.....
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Re: Funny answers on Hollywood Squares.

Postby LBJackal » Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:45 am

Madison wrote:Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


LMAO!

Man that's a good one :-b
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Re: Funny answers on Hollywood Squares.

Postby curious_george_43545 » Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:47 am

Madison wrote:
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if
he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the CampFire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
in
bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh


:-b
Thanks Mad ;-D Veryy Funny
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Re: Funny answers on Hollywood Squares.

Postby daullaz » Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:00 am

Madison wrote:
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?



:-b


That's golden right there. Great stuff!
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Postby Mercer Boy » Wed Apr 06, 2005 6:11 am

That's some great humor from the earlier days...before "raunchy" humor came about. The comics always toed the line, and everyone knew what they meant - but it was still decently hidden so that you wouldn't get in trouble...and no hard-core swearing was involved either. Carson did that a lot, and it's just as funny now as it is then. :-b ;-D
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Postby DieHardCubbie » Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:45 am

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


LMAO....those were great.... ;-D
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Postby ensanimal » Wed Apr 06, 2005 9:30 am

HAHA...great stuff :-b ;-D
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Postby acsguitar » Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:57 am

Thanks granpa that was hilarious :)~ j.k
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Postby VaTribeFan » Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:10 pm

I received this as part of an e-mail years ago and every so often I'll read it again. It is just plain funny.
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Postby Kingctb27 » Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:18 pm

That was great ;-D
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