HumorJanuary 8, 2004

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Rose Tint My World

By Arlo Vander

… With Apologies to Richard O’Brien

Several new chapters have just been added to the Pete Rose saga with the publication of Pete Rose: My Prison Without Bars, in which Charlie Hustle, apparently realizing that fourteen years of vehement denials weren’t getting him any closer to Cooperstown, New York, finally admits to betting on baseball. And as the December, 2005 deadline by which Rose would have to be reinstated in order to be elected by BBWAA writers nears, we can expect to see a whole lot more on the subject of the legend who fell from grace.

Countless interviews? Certainly. Opinions from every expert on the planet? No doubt. Documentaries and exposés? More than you can imagine. A blockbuster remake of perennial campus favorite The Rocky Horror Picture Show based on Rose? Well … maybe.

Rose Tint My World
From The Charlie Hustle Picture Show

Fan in the Street: It was great when it all began
I was a regular Charlie fan
But it was over when he had the plan
To start working with a gambling man
Now the only thing that gives Pete hope
Is that fans are forgiving dopes
Rose tints his world
Keeps him safe from his trouble and pain

Charlie Hustle: I’m just sixty-two years old
Now banished from baseball’s fold
And somebody should be told
My gambling hasn’t been controlled
But there’s no need for an apology
When the real victim here is me
I’ll Rose tint my world
And write a book for financial gain

I just wanna be
Like Eck and Mollie
I’ll be good, you’ll see
Take this ban away
What’s this, let’s see
Philly by three
What’s come over me?
Woo! Here it comes again

Bud Selig: By the time I’ve acted
The Hall will be contracted
The debate will be protracted
As long as I am here

Charlie Hustle: Please Bud, reinstate me
There’s no need to hate me
Haven’t you heard me lately
Don’t I sound sincere?


Arlo Vander is Fantasy Baseball Cafe’s editor. The odds that he’ll be pursuing a career as a songwriter in the near future are so slim that not even Pete Rose would bet on it.

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