HumorMarch 28, 2004

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Passing the Time Before Opening Day

By Arlo Vander

Spring is, to repeat an old clich�, in the air. But never mind the robins – it’s time for Orioles, Blue Jays and Cardinals, curveballs and knucklers, peanuts and Cracker Jack. There’s nothing better than the beginning of a shiny new season. Yet while we may be ready to go, with our fantasy lineups set, plans to see the home team made, and pennant hopes high, the major league schedule forces us to wait just a bit longer.

If you’re like me, you’re counting the hours until the first pitch of the season is thrown (and probably have been since the middle of February). The following list summarizes the ways I’ve found to pass the time.

1. Endlessly search the net for confirmation that Aaron Miles will be starting at second base in Colorado, and daydream of the numbers he might put up at Coors.

2. Think longingly of how wonderful it would be to live in Tokyo and get to see a game a few days early.

3. Do those income taxes now, so you won’t miss any games while figuring out how much you owe Uncle Sam.

4. Send out a dozen trade offers a day. Anyone interested in Richard Hidalgo?

5. Stare at the clock, counting off the seconds until the season begins. Repeat every five minutes.

6. Just one more roto draft…

7. It’s not baseball, but March Madness is a blast this year. How’s your bracket?

8. Agonize over whether to drop your third bench OF for that sleeper RP who just might get a save or two this year.

9. Stockpile munchies, drinks, and batteries for the remote.

10. No, seriously, just one more draft…

11. Feel sorry for the football folks who have to wait even longer.

12. Start planning out your keeper strategy for 2005.

13. If you’re in college, inquire whether you can submit your fantasy team as your final Math thesis, calling it, “A Case Study in Statistical Analysis.”

14. Read Moneyball, and figure out how its ideas apply to your fantasy team.

15. Ok, this is truly the last draft of the year…

Arlo Vander can tell you how many hours there are between now and opening day without looking at his watch. Time to play ball.

How are you making it through the final days before the 2004 season? Pass the time by letting us know here!

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